Back to the Future

  Well, dear readers, home ownership has already come full circle. I have returned to whence I came. I am sitting in the living room, which at this moment is a sweltering 52 degrees. It makes me nostalgic for those dear, long departed days when we first moved in and the gas hadn't been turned on yet. T-Rex and I would huddle together around a space heater, shivering, and cursing the seasons. That was way back in December of 2012. People were still using cellphones and Ke$ha's "Die Young" was top of the pops. Truly, it was a golden age.
   We have come so far from those happy memories here in the cold, stark future of January 2013, where "Die Young" has fallen to #16 on the charts. Some things don't change, though. Good, wholesome, enjoyable things, like the lack of central heat in the middle of winter in a drafty old house without insulation. Why? Because the furnace stopped working. We tried sticking fire everywhere that look like a place where the fire should be, in the hope that it would create more fire, but it didn't work. We flipped switches, unscrewed screws and levered levers. Nothing. Nada. Niet.  So I called in a furnace guy, and he spent about 6 minutes on the stupid thing, it fired right up, and he charged me $100. Shit. He then checked everything and told me that my furnace is a mechanical miracle, because nothing in it should actually be working right now. Any minute the damn thing is going to get a little water on it and shrivel up like the Wicked Witch of the West. The good news is that in the time it took me to write the last paragraph the temperature in the living room has risen into the 60s. Before long I'll be able to wear different clothing inside than I wear outside. Maybe the future isn't so bad after all.
  Despite the profound incompetence that generally determines the outcomes of my projects, I have good news!

TA DA! I present you with the new and improved bathroom. The shower curtain is back, the shower no longer resembles those little vegetable misters they have at the supermarket, and I recaulked the bathtub. General mold content is down 1,000,000%. Great victory. General ugly content remains high, but I am waiting to start solving ugly based problems until the health damaging problems get resolved.

Before

After

Also...

                                    
TA DA! I bought a fridge. A gigantic metal fridge.

 I've had it for about 5 days, and it hasn't broken yet, but I am keeping a watchful eye on it. The one lesson I've leaned so far is that everything in this house that has the ability to break is watching and waiting for the time to malfunction that will be the most inconvenient. That big shiny bastard is lurking, I can feel it. There is a strong whiff of malicious lurk in that kitchen, and it isn't coming from the unwashed dishes. I WILL DEFEAT YOU REFRIGERATOR.